Something wonderful is happening. It’s as if I have been lying down for a long time and I have finally given myself permission to get up. Ambition has turned a light on in the empty house of my soul. There is beauty in space. There is peace in reality. Cheers to forward thinking and hope that does not disappoint.
He says I’d be someone different so I could hold you now, wise words of man who breaks me. My hands hold my head, it’s an emergency, it’s my heart, it’s not working. It supposed to be moving on but it’s rejecting change. They ask me questions but they don’t hold my attention from across the table or over the coffee cup… The wont and they can’t ever have my heart. It is currently in Washington, at least his mind is and his heart, but I spend long nights in Los Angeles resting on empty. I follow all the roads that lead to knew sights to remain solid on one perspective. I want what’s no longer mine. I carry my load in my chest while I crash into healthy hearts. I am losing all my battles and going down with the ship. I can’t change him even though I want him to be home. I wish winter was over.
I thought of about a million ways to talk to you, things to bring up, jokes that would make you laugh. Only to come home knowing I just can’t. I don’t think anything is more heart breaking than that.